Kat

I'm that friend who needs a to-go cover on my drink whether I'm going or not. If I seem a little slow on the uptake it's because I’m figuring you out. Intellectualizing your intent – your true nature. It would be a mistake to judge me in the interim. Most of the things you care about, I never have. Not really. I say things like "gosh darn-it", "gee whizz", "golly" and "goodness" without shame or embarrassment. I think more people should follow my lead. I don't drink, smoke, and I’ve never done drugs. I'm likely your designated driver. Oh, and I say "dangit" lots, too. Do the same. Let's make the world a better place.  I think you're "the best" until you do something to make me think otherwise. I have a deep respect for people older, wiser, and more experienced than I am. I have so much to learn. They have so much to teach. I can't lie. I don't cheat. And I've never been arrested. I was born out of time. I don't understand tea drinkers. I try. But it's a challenge. I'm the nagging reason my husband pulls over to ask if you need help. I grew weary of charlatans a long time ago. I'm the chick in the topless Jeep with the decent sized tires, and the vanity plate that sums up, in two smashed-together-words, the privilege I have of being my husband's wife. Ask me what it says  sometime. I have nothing to prove.  Maybe I should.  But I don’t. I'm a "good catholic girl" at heart, but my soul is Buddhist – it always has been. I'm an unapologetic vegetarian. Don't ask me why. You really don't want to know. I'm the person in your social circle who goes on rants about "what's wrong" with society. I lucid dream on the regular.  I’m a “middle brain” thinker – have been all my life. I’m wicked wordy. If you eat meat, I'm ok with that. I'm the idiot who told the truth when the teacher asked who our hero was. INFJ in every way. I don't 'dream big'.  Big… is overrated.  What you show me, and what my intuition tells me about you, are two entirely different things.  And they rarely – ever – agree. I love nightmares. People find that weird, but I find it exhilarating. High school was more boring than rough. Superficiality challenges me. I don't "pose" and I'm not fake. I read 17th, 18th, and 19th century poetry when my disposition demands an emotional outlet. And when I find the right passage, it grips me, undeniably. Sound annoys me. In total contrast, I'm pretty loud when I get upset. Can't help it, it's who I am. I'm extremely passionate about what I care about. I'm an emotional creature. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "blame my Pisces moon". I do. I'm #24. I don't care if I shine, so long as my projects do, and the people I work with are getting their kudos. I'm not an old soul but I've been here before – many times. I know how I died – but nothing about how I lived.  I watch your hypocrisy with non-judgment because we're all here to learn on our journey, and I'm not your teacher.  People who 'get' me either do right away, or they likely don't, at all.  There's a reason for that.  If I had to choose a sense to lose, it would be hearing.  Hands down. No need to mull the options.  I'd go deaf. Sound annoys me on that kind of level.  Fascinatingly enough, I sometimes wake up with symphonies playing in my head, I’m pretty positive I’ve never heard before.  It’s just as much a mystery to me as it probably is to you. If you haven’t heard me say “dude” yet, just wait a second. I'm too much for you. Don't feel bad – I'm too much for a lot of people.  I don't lose sleep over it and neither should you.  I'm fascinated with capturing "it" on video. I love my camcorders. I love my Mac. I love the concepts of story building and video production, and I'm a total amateur at it. I don't sing. I don't dance. And I don't have jokes. But I have a few camcorders and we can get pretty busy together. I expect more of myself than I do of you.  They were right. I went Mac and I "ain't never goin' back". When we make eye contact I'm looking for depth.  I'm unconsciously reaching into your soul.  I can't help it.  I have to exert energy to stop it.  If I don't make direct eye contact it's because I'm making a conscious effort to avoid knowing any more about you than I’ve already learned – without you having said a single word to me. Geophysicist. I love volcanoes and earthquakes,  but Antarctica will always be my destination of choice. I'm fascinated with Easter Island, the Noorderlicht experience, and ancient cultures.  Primitive people who seemed to have mastered the art of precision stonework fascinate me. I'm not here to impress anyone.  If I'm stuck in a rat race you can find me observing from the back of the bus – watching everyone 'try'.  I just 'do'.  It usually works out just fine.  For some things I have opinions, for most, I really don't. My perspective is, there's not a whole lot that will matter in a few years, when you really think about it. In contrast, I'm probably one of the most intense people you'll ever meet. I'm also a Libra. I change my mind – a lot. I'm not indecisive. It's far more complex than that. I don't abandon my principles . My scales must align. It's how we all get through this together. I'm challenging. I'm frustrating. I can be pushy, bossy, and demanding. But I'm also more loyal than you can wrap your head around. Altruistic. I'm grounded. I'm hyper. I'm all about moving forward without ever losing my grasp on where I've been. For better or worse, I never lose my grasp on where I've been. Don't cross me. There's a special place in the essence of who I am that'll never forget. Part of me apologizes because we're all human, born to make mistakes. The rest of me … doesn't, because I'm just as human as you are.  I’m passive, but not forgetful.  I've been told I have a 'unique' aura on more than one occasion and I've been accused of being unusually intuitive at least as many times … if they only knew the half of it. I don't work for you.  I collaborate with you.  Money means very, very, little to me.  I've been blessed in this life, of that, there is no question. I blow light bulbs, flip circuit breakers, and burn out electronics just by being ‘there’. My mood can determine whether or not your computer will make it through the day. I wouldn't let me touch it if I were you.  I can't wear a watch directly against my skin. I don't have an agenda. I do things because I want to do them, not because I expect a payoff.  If you find that hard to believe – that's on you.  Doesn't change a thing on my end. No matter how much I do, it won't be enough.  My standards.  My rules.  I'll never live up to my own expectations.    It's ok. It's part of my plan. I can't throw a frisbee.  I know why I'm here.  I often wonder why you think you are. Or – if you even think of why, at all.  I feelI organize.  Whenever I get a cold I’m pretty sure this is it.  This is how I’ll die. They all told me to be a writer.  I’m not a leader.  I’m not a follower. If you have information I find interesting we could get along just fine. I’m visual-spatial.  I need constant intellectual stimulation.  I need to be moving.  I need to be learning. I need to be creating. I don't do "bored" well – at all. I can tell when you're selling yourself and it makes my lip curl.  Even though – I'll tolerate you “doin' you” because everyone has their reasons for doing the things they do. I'm no exception. I come from an ancestry of European royalty, kings & queens, a canonized saint, and a revolutionary hero. My heritage is written in history, but I'm my grandfather's progeny. Roman Catholic, French-Canadian, mill workers and migrant farmers. I'm that person who's always looking for "better people" in this world, hoping I'll find them and hoping it won't be too late, so I can learn from their example. I believe being selfless is the key. The meaning of life is lost here. It's lost now. It's been lost for a very, very long time. It's what I think about at night when I can't sleep. I see myself as creatively "flat", but when I spark, it illuminates. I don't buy into "politically correct". If you can do it, so can I. I never question my ability.  Only my desire. I abandoned religious based belief structures a long time ago. The same music that gives me goosebumps in one instant can leave me, literally, nauseous in the next. I’m awkward.  Is there a word that denotes “more awkward than awkward”? Because at times, I think I might be that. I don't watch awards shows on television because I think they're shallow, and I also think they help perpetuate what's wrong with American values. On that note, I do care about the artistry involved in entertainment. I respect the trade. I'm left handed. I love the mystery involved with bigfoot stories and UFO sightings.  Impermanence is no friend of mine. I'm "average". My biggest regrets will always be … missing out on the people I never met … the soul-to-soul connections I never made … and the experiences I never had. That's … it. The experiences I never sought.  The opportunities I never pursued.  The things I never did and the chances I never took. I was born to remember it. To see it. To capture it. Maybe even to record it. "Because the point isn't to live forever. It's to create something that does". Silently, in the darkness behind the fire, I scream my greatest fear. It's that I won't.